Monday, April 6, 2009

Kidnapping case solved, kidnapper pardoned

It is sad in a way, how a loved one can be taken from us, and we grieve for a while, and soon forget. Are we callous? Are we just so busy that we can compartmentalize to deal with a loss? I am guessing that was the case with our kidnapped and feared dead bunny slipper. Mr. Bunny Slipper tried to get on with his life, living with some of you for a week at a time, but I KNOW he never forgot. How did he sleep at night? With threats to his beloved, and then months of silence, it was more than any bunny slipper should have to endure.The kidnappers sent pictures such as this.... although our bunny slippers actually don't have feet. Still, I am sure they were intent on such malicious behavior, that details of her treatment while being held hostage probably will never be revealed. At one point, we thought we had a break in the case when this picture was sent. This cemented the fact that we were indeed dealing with sadistic terrorists. But investigations into the identity of this gunman went nowhere.
This video was uncovered in the dumpster in back of RunnersWorld, further substantiating our concerns of what this mad man was capable of doing. That's when we decided our remaining bunny slipper should go undercover to try to lure the terrorist kidnappers out. Since Ken was awarded the slippers for a week, and he usually hangs out on the shady side of town anyway, it seemd the right time to launch our sting operation. Ken would run in his usual places, and at all hours, and would leave the bunny quite visible. So Mr. Bunny got to hang out in the back seat of Ken's car one day, run the trails on Turkey Mountain the next, and lounge around at Starbucks most mornings, all the while, being closely watched by secret runner-agents whose identities will have to be anonymous. This deranged man was photoed following Ken out of the Turkey Mountain trail, but kept his distance and did not take the bait. A tip to the Keifer police however helped uncover a rabbit based meth lab, and while the above criminal was put behind bars, we were still no closer to locating our slipper.

Two weeks ago, there was a major break in the case when a mysterious wad of hair was found in the RunnersWorld bathroom. It so resembled the hair on these feet pictured in one of the kidnappers threatening letters from back in the summer. Just before the weigh-in at the Big Loser, Mike Stelly spent an unusual amount of time in the bathroom. He was very concerned with his weight, and to try to get an extra pound off, he had shaved quite a bit of hair from his body. Most of it was surely disposed of, but a wad was kicked right under the sink. A further search discovered the long lost bunny slipper stashed right behind Kathy's emergency stockpile of Diet Pepsi. After some extensive DNA verification, and the fact that he had whisker stubble on his feet, he was confirmed as the prime suspect in the case. Although Stelly denies the charges, officials at RunnersWorld are willing to drop charges providing Stelly agrees to always wear a RunnersWorld shirt, and add a 2nd pair of shorts to his running lineup, other than the flames. Why, you might ask? Why would he do this? I suspect he just wanted some wabbit stew.

Best of all, the bunny slippers are reunited and free to do what bunnies do.Happy Easter, everybody!! (We love ya, Mike!)

1 comment:

Bobby said...

Whew! Glad that is over. Now I can eat some of those marshmallow Peeps and not feel guilty that our beloved bunny is still missing.