Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Need I Say More?

When: Sunday, November 21, 2010 7:00 AM-1:00 PM (GMT-06:00) Central Time (US & Canada).
Where: Veteran's Park (21st & Boulder)


Need I Say More?

CALM DOWN! I get it - and please only one response at a time, even if all voices are screams in unison with an emphatic proclamation response of "H-E-DOUBLE UP THEM EL'S ... NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ... GIVE US A FREAKIN' BREAK - WE'VE READ ENOUGH ALREADY - IT'S TAPER WEEK AND WE NEED TO CONSERVE OUR STRENGTH AND REGAIN OUR SANITY!"

Well then, with my feelings rarely feeling less mutilated than I pretend they are now, I guess I will simply close with:
Route 66 Marathon
Sunday, 11/21
7:30 AM - Sharp (NOTE: Not "sharp-ish")
Required Attendees: Aspiring Marathon Runners and Runnerettes, particularly the Dom-N-8RZ 9:51 Training Group

The Pleasure this training session has been all mine, while the TORTURE has been all yours.
Have a great race - you've earned it!

One last indulgence: RUNNERS WORLD ROCKS! (Pass it on)


Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Tapir Tips

When: Saturday, November 13, 2010 7:45 AM-9:45 AM. Central Standard Time
Where: Veteran's Park (21st & Boulder)


This is the time of the year that I receive frequent questions related to Tapiring – What is it? What’s the proper way to do it? How do you recognize it when you see it? Well, it’s not really that complicated, but still something that should be respected, as it can get you in trouble if you don’t take it seriously. You see, a Tapir is a large browsing mammal, similar in shape to a pig, with a short, prehensile snout – kinda’ like our very own Runners World Pretty Boy Brian. In fact, I can’t tell you how many times I might have imagined that I heard people ask “Where did Brian come from?” and/or “Kathy, where did you find him?” It seems that Tapirs inhabit jungle and forest regions of South America, Central America, and Southeast Asia, which explains why Brian and Kathy make frequent trips to Mexico, under the guise of it being a “vacation”, or as Brian likes to call it – “homeland”. My best tapir tips include:
· Don’t feed them – they have finicky diets that require high caloric liquefied fermented grains, topped with multiple jars of peanut butter.
· They’re hairier than you first think, so be careful when touching and petting.
· Training is very tricky, as they can’t be domesticated. As such, don’t mistake mimicked behavior with learned obedience.
· Watch out for frequent mood swings, and sudden charges where they attempt to get you to try on new shoes.
· Tapirs have a strong sense of territorialism, and are apt to start setting up camp and pitching tents just anywhere that they choose.
· They’re ultrasensitive to the scheduling of competing events, particularly when this coincides with the start of a new year, so your best bet is to show your allegiance to the original version versus a knock-off imitator.
Speaking of training, this Saturday marks the end of our 2010 Summer/Fall Marathon Training session, culminating (Brian, that means “ending”) with the Sunday, November 21st Dom-N-8RZ’ing of the Tulsa Route 66 Marathon. So, with only one week to go, we’ve arranged for a little ol’ 8 mile leg stretcher along the banks of the Arkansas River, just to make sure all the runnin’ parts are workin’ like they’re supposed to and to help reconstruct the confidence and/or anxiety levels that facing the uphill stare of 26.2 miles can elicit. In recognition of the shorter distance, along with lingering confusion regarding the application of daylight savings time, we’ve precision adjusted the official gathering time for Saturday’s “Taper Run” to 7:45 AM, once again at the trampled comforts of Veteran’s Park.
In heartfelt response to the multiple imagined requests, and in disregard to the wishes of co-run leaders, a unilateral decision that is intended to meet the varied needs of a certain demented constituency has been finalized. The time honored tradition of showing appreciation to group Run Leaders by donating large sums of moolah to charities of their choosing is being appended to allow for direct cash payment and adornment of sparkly gems to the outstretched beggarly arms of yours truly. Turns out that this will increase efficiency by eliminating the middle man/manette.
Finally, a word of caution to all: Be careful out there. This is a lousy time to inject new forms of high risk, low reward, cross training into your regimen. It’s best to stick with what got you here – running, coupled with strict obedience with and compliance to our exacting, plainly worded, easy to follow, incomprehensible to a T weekly instructional training run invitations. If you must ride a bike, try not to tip over. Bouncing is not a life extending skill attribute.
If you do fall down and go boom, then follow this tip: Get out the gauze and “Tapir It Down”.

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Friday, November 5, 2010



Saturday, November 6, 2010 has just been proclaimed Runners World Solidarity Day, courtesy of the misfit Dom-N-8RZ run leaders.

It’s an amazing coincidence since that is also the same day as the Runners World hosted and internationally (if not interworldly) famous Mock Marathon. So, how should we respectfully pay our homage, someone must surely be asking? Well, it’s our lucky day, as public displays of affection are back in vogue. As such, let’s open those closets and drawers and search for Runners World logo’d gear, and deck the Tulsa streets with such vestments to show all who choose to look that we are indeed – Runners World trained, fed, and nurtured/tortured (always get those two words confused).

Please note that there will be no formal nor authorized inspection of RW undergarments allowed – strictly unenforced policy. WARNING: DO NOT LET PRETTY BOY BRIAN TRICK YOU WITH HIS “I’m a TSA Airport Security Screening Officer in Training” candidate.

Further, just for grins: Should you happen to have any “Race Into the New Year” shirts, this would be a great time to bring those out of hibernation and help show your colors.

Finally – Spread the word.


Wednesday, November 3, 2010

R U Mocking Me?

Unfortunately for some, it turns out that last weekend’s 33rd annual version of the Tulsa Run is steeped in controversy, as informal protests regarding likely rules infractions have been lodged. Further, it turns out that I was innocently a victim in this sordid fray, and as you will have to imagine was left no unreasonable alternative other than this pursuit of injustice. The details: While in plain sight of on-course officials, I clearly communicated my non-verbal intentions to take one of my three allowed timeouts per half, yet my rapid hand flick across the tip of my extended hand (classic “T” motion) didn’t so much as elicit any type of response. Not a nod, nary a head shake – actually nothing but a glassy-eyed stare as if my request had no standing. Adding to the frustration, this happened more than once with the same degree of non-responsiveness. Now, I ask you and all who may not care: How can competitive racing ever be categorized as a “sport” when the thread that commonly binds nearly all other physical competitions of strength, stamina, and strategy are all afforded the basic conceptual staple of ‘Wait, I’m not ready, I need to take a moment”? Stripped of this semi-constitutional right, one can only wonder if we have inadvertently strode into the leg-quivering activity of not a sport, but of a mere hobby, which as all our attentive accountants will attest makes it non-tax deductible. This could get messy before we’re able to come up for a full lung of air.

And if that weren’t enough, were others aware that this past weekend had kind of an eerie spooky quality? Not sure what was going on, but out-of-character and random and unsolicited appearances were popping up both left and the other left. All of this was accompanied with an insatiable appetite for mass quantities of micro-sized Mars products. Not sure if this is linked to the mid-Term elections, the stage of the moon, or a more likely fear of the upcoming annual turning back of the clocks. You can only imagine how boggling it can be to a philosophical belief that “Life Has No Mulligans” when you are made to re-experience an hour of time that has already passed. Does the 2nd choice nullify the first? Do two wrongs make a right? When does this invitation end already?

Which brings us to this Saturday’s Training Run – the last long run before the Route 66 Marathon. Since repetition is the mother of invention, or something of that sort, our much maligned Runners World dungeon and torture tenders have devised a way to help us realize the pain, suffering, and disappointment of running a marathon without any of the medaltry, un-adoring fans, belittling family comments, and certainly without the marching band pageantry. What we get at 7:30 AM at Veteran’s Park is a “this is as real as it’s gonna’ get” dry run of most of the R66 course, an actual semi-functional clock, random distance markers, scrambled hieroglyphics disguised as route directions, and and and (tension building moment for dramatic effect) C-A-R-S (all the better to hit you with my dearie)! Seems like I’m leaving out something important – oh yes – how could I forget – we get to experience Pretty Boy Brian with his beloved bull horn (oh my!). Well worth the price of admission, which is $5, or more if you are still feeling guilty from going sans costume on Halloween (paid in advance of the actual run for the obvious reason that if you don’t make it back we don’t want the hassle of trying to wrangle money from a corpse or to re-gift used and arid running apparel (consumer protection laws require full disclosure regarding whether articles were being worn at the TOD). Once again, the money collected goes to the best possible charity – RW Runners – for unhealthy snacks, sugary drinks, and other coddling excesses such as hydration fluids. (P.S. For those who are always looking for an unfair advantage, for an extra $5 I’ll see what I can do to get you moved to the prestigious inside lane near the front of the starting line – just please keep it on the down low so as not to draw speculations of potential bribery and misuse of power and influence.)

So come one, come all, and bring your wayward prodigal running friends (those who may have lost their way and haven’t been subjected to http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifnor endured these non-aspirational weekly invitations). Let’s put a foot or two to the ground and Mock the Route.


Monday, November 1, 2010

A few sightings from last Thursday's Pre-Tulsa-Run Halloween Bash at RW. Costumes were the norm for most runners and runnerettes.
Patty looks rather Disneyish. Could a January double be on the agenda??

Amanda is very convincing as a bad of jelly beans. But Mia was my favorite, nailing Skeletor ala canine style

Larry debated wearing a costume, and finally elected to not dress up, and came right from work. (Actually, Elin Woods would have been impressed, as Larry was every bit as pretty as she is....on a bad day!)

Kate bedazzled the masses on our run up and down Brookside, getting a record three invitations for drinks, a date, and a ride on the back of a Moped. For the record, though, she just ran.

There was a Kathy look-alike ordeal at this gathering. Roman takes a bit of editorial license with the headdress. TZ seems to enjoy another opportunity to dress in drag. (Nice legs, though.)

Actually, Sandra had the most believable Kathy get-up, in my opinion.

The dare was to go trick-or-treating. Turns out, that was way too much fun to NOT do. We hit up several houses, but scored ZERO candy. :-(

Thanks to Lauri England for a few of the pictures. Tulsa Run write-up, and pix to follow soon.