Monday, November 16, 2009

umm....maybe not the best advice....

It's just a few days out, and now for some spectacular last minute marathon advice.

First off, register late. Why not wait until the last have lots ofother things to do with your money, and those race promoters have thousands of dollars on their hands anyway. And give them a piece of your mind if they are out of shirts or only have XXXLs left.

People stress out about the taper. Don't let this happen to you. Start your taper early. In fact, mix liberal amounts of taper into your regular training schedule and the 2 weeks before the marathon, it will not have the usual negative affect on you.

The week before, go out and do some speed work. Get your legs used to what that last mile sprint to the finish line is going to feel like. Just know deep down inside that you've done this before, or if this is a first, just think of some of those poor saps who have trained their butts off and how it will feel to sprint by them at mile two.

Two days before the marathon, help a friend move, or install a garage door opener. Clean out the attic and bring all those old encyclopedias you've saved for 22 years out to the car and take them to the Salvation Army. Bend over, and work that lower back. Never hurts to be in optimum shape.

The night before, time to carb up. Some say pasta, others say rice, mashed potatoes. But hey, pizza and beer has lots of carbs. You need fuel, and a double pepperoni double cheese deep dish with a couple pitchers of beer is the fuel of champions.

Stay up and watch Conan, then Jimmy Fallon, and why not take in Carson Daly? You need this to clear your mind. You can worry about sleep after the marathon. You'll sleep better then anyway.


Race day morning, hit your snooze a few times....not a bad idea to catch a few extra winks. And those infomercials after Carson Daly are still playing in your head. Pin your number on your shirt. Get yourself out the door and hope you hit all the green lights on the way to the start line. Never mind about the booby bandaids and bodyglide. There'll probably be some at the aid stations.

Crowd your way to the front of the crowd. If you wanna run like the Kenyans, you need to line up with them. Remmember your best 5K time. If you can run that pace, you'll have a great PR. Might even win your age group. Don't let that any old farts run by you. The same goes for girls. Don't let yourself get chicked. If one passes you, stay right on their can blow by them in the later miles. They've gotta fade...after all, this is a marathon. Whatever you do, do not walk. Can't say you "ran a marathon" if you walk. Some say it's ok to walk through the water stops. I say no, this is a great place to pass some of those people who somehow managed to get ahead of you. Besides, water and/or sports drink is just excess weight.

At mile 10, stangley enough, your pace has slowed from a speedy 7 minute/miles to around 10:30. Maybe the mile markers are off. Your Garmin probably lost its signal somewhere along Riverside. They do that, you know. At mile 18, try to mix in a few short jogs. That 75 year old who just trotted by you surely cut the way you should get beat by him. At this point, keep him in your sights. Might be able to pass him in the last 1/4 mile. At mile 24, you've been chicked, geezered, punked, and puked on. Problem is, that puke was your own. Mile 26....OMG, you forgot about that .2 at the end. You're absolutely sure the course is long. Whoever measured it anyway? Worst of all, after crossing the finish, to the polite applause of the kind people waiting around, you discover they have been out of beer for the past 30 minutes.

Whoever said running was GOOD for you anyway???

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