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Return of the "ArmHand"
When: Saturday, October 17, 2009 5:45 AM-10:30 AM. Central Standard Time
Where: Veteran's Park - 21st & Boulder

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Attention all Runners World boys and boyettes, on Saturday we are presented with blessings almost too rich and abundant to appreciate - so it would be best to show up no later than when you arrive Saturday morning with eyes open wide, sleepy eye crud wiped away, a pleasant disposition, a friendly smile, and a "count me in" attitude. If you don't come prepared to enjoy yourself and the company of the bodacious RW group, then we'll probably just have to kick the #%&! out of you until we see a turnaround to the positive.

As for blessings, we start with a li'l ol' 22 mile training run! Nope, we don't get that every week, so be sure to make every step count, and every count step. Speaking of count, we'll be relying upon the old reliable "ArmHand" timing and distance devices this weekend. This week our revered Coach K has laid down the rules of outlawing all technical timing devices that are either sold for commercial gain and/or are "borrowed" from the limbs of fallen runners or deeply resting inhabitants of the River Parks Trail System. But we shall not panic, must not panic, will not panic - much - and we will suppress our self-gratifying addiction of knowing our exact pace, distance traveled, and how much longer until the OU/Texas Red River Shootout by getting one with our bodies and one with nature to satisfy our cravings. By extending the arm towards the moon or sun (both should be in play at varying times during our early morning run), and then by repeating this at specific points on our circular route, we are able to accurately (of course, accuracy is relative and in the eye of the beholder) determine and calculate our time splits. Using basic finger extension techniques will allow us to keep track of which 6 mile loop we are on. Recalibration point zero will be located at Veteran's Park, which will be our singular official timing device, allowing each of us to get our fix, fuel our addiction, and provide us a mental butt pat to assure us that all is OK, as long as we keep running at a consistent pace.

This Just In: Coach K has approved the following electronic devices for Saturday's Run: Pacemaker, IPOD/MP3 (as long as not being used for timing), anything connected to a retractable extension cord - preferably 480 Volt or higher, and self illuminating running outfits.

Seems a correction is in order from the last couple weeks of slightly bumpy training courses, where there is the slightest potential that when the universal requests of "More Hills" actually was preceded with the simple word "No". Turns out that this changes everything. So, as a genuinely intended act of contrition, this week's run has been custom designed to please the flatlanders in all of us. Savor it - Love it - Get it out of your system!

In the "runners help runners" category, many have noticed that "the runner formerly known as Rob" has not been his normal bubbly self the last few weeks. After significant personal research and experimentation, it has been field tested and verified that he is instantly invigorated via manual stimulation of the buttoka muscle, with a slightly higher squeal of delight when said stimulation originates in the starboard region. So, as your paths cross, extend a motivational hand, give a firm pinch, and let's all help get that boy back on recovery lane.

Another first for this weekend: Saturday's run has been hereby christened as "Share the Beef Training Run" - you give some and you get some. Runners are asked to consider bringing and donating beef jerky on Saturday morning that will then be provided to the Community Food Bank of Oklahoma. After our training run, Runners World will be treating us to a post run feast of hamburgers, and an opportunity to calibrate our ArmHand devices with those of fellow runners. A couple of notes of caution/warning are in order. First to Rusty: When asked if you brought any jerky, it would not be appropriate to nod and point over to Rob. Second to the well heeled Sandites, although we certainly will take your word as gold, the strong, strong preference is for "store bought" versus "road cured" dried meat.

There continues to be confusion over the reporting location for Saturday morning's training run. Despite our best intentions, a few of our faves have committed to meet up with us in Kansas City this weekend to run a marathon. Sounds like a great plan, only we won't be there - CAUSE WE'RE MEETING AT VETERAN'S PARK like just about every other Saturday morning at 5:45 AM-ish. (Insert lengthy pause and chest heaving sigh for theatrical effect.) Since I don't know how to get the milk back out of the cheese, all we can do is to extend our best wishes to Becky, Janet, Paula, and others who may stray a little north of Tulsa County this weekend and hope they meet up with great weather, kind winds, and deeply rutted hills so they can have the second best marathon experiences of their lives (first is naturally reserved for next month's Tulsa Route 66 Marathon).

See you Saturday - I'll be the one in the dark.

Larry