Friday, March 11, 2011

Chaos Runs Rampant

When: Saturday, March 12, 2011 6:45 AM-11:00 AM. Central Standard Time
Where: Veteran's Park (21st & Boulder)


Chaos Runs Rampant

Congratulations Dom-N-8RZ on last week’s Bead Adorned over achiever 18 Mile (actually closer to 19 miles) Training Run.
As promised, the Creek Turnpike Trail was relatively flat, when favorably compared against the terrain of a Colorado ski resort, and more importantly, if you adhered to the sage cautionary advice to not look up or down during the run. Besides, those Garmin elevations have been prone to exaggeration. The lightly renowned non practicing nor sanctioned accounting firm of Irish Ken Richardson and Minions, VLLC (“very limited liability corporation”) were able to proclaim with feigned confidence that a majority of our aspiring marathon group was able to return to the starting point, give or take a few (Note to Self: Consider roll count at the start of the next run; try reasonably hard to remember that number; repeat roll call at the end of the run; and develop some mathematical algorithm designed to get “grenade close” on the over/under count, with an optimistic goal of minimizing casualtems/casualtettes.)

So, if you think our high mileage feet was accomplished by accident, you would be sadly mistaken. Chalking it up to a carefully designed and diligently executed mileage escalating training schedule might seem plausible, but I can assure you would not hold a bucket of congealed anti-chafe cream under mild courtroom cross examination. The undeterred spirit of the human mind and the ability to rise to previously unimaginable goals? – hardly. The competitive nature that kicks in gear when confronted with physical challenges that pit one against our peers/peerettes? – uh, that would also be wrong. The self preservation mode that drives one to complete the task so as to return home to those loved ones that you abandoned in the wee morning hours to spend the better part of a weekend morning sweating with nearly complete strangers loosely bound by the bonds of a proper shoelace tie, hoping beyond hope to escape approximately 36 hours of icy stairs and terse criticism? – yeah, that’s a good one, but nonetheless inaccurate. No, Dom-N-8-RZ unreservedly subscribe to the theory that our mileage consuming feets are the result of LUCK. And not just any luck, but that special kind that is adjectively defined with the complimentary terms of “blind”, “dumb”, and most inebriating of all, “Irish”. Yes, it’s the latter that allows us to daze and ponder upon past and future accomplishments whilst straining for those elusive last droplets clinging to the bottom of the once frosty mug. And hot wings. The circle of life, runner’s style – preload, run, drink, eat, drink, make excuses, rest, drink, exaggerate, drink, complain about the weather conditions, drink, apologize, drink, rest, work a minimal amount, drink – AND repeat AND repeat AND repeat AND ....

This week marks the long anticipated return (not exactly certain anticipated by whom, but that’s likely just a matter of tacky details) to Veteran’s Park. Not a bit like weary soldiers returning to home base, we find ourselves seeking the comforting embrace of an artfully carved tree trunk and familiar paths. We’ve done Jenks, or vice versa, and we’ve RW Bumped the Tulsa Fairgrounds, so it’s time to back up and allow our run droplings to germinate and do their prospering magic. It’s home stretch time (much different than physically stretching, which we try to avoid at all costs, no matter how tight the calves and quads may feel), time to eliminate distractions, and time to focus on fine tuning our marathon consuming machines.

But maybe we should ease into it a bit, ‘cause after all, this Saturday is the St. Patrick’s 5K, and it wouldn’t be karma-ically correct to test our fates by turning our livers away from the nurturing elixirs typically available in post race reflections. No, that wouldn’t be Lucky – not even a wee, wee bit, especially for aspiring leprechauns, especially not before an upcoming marathon.

By imagined contract, I’m compelled to get a little run leaderly at this point and advise that we are, regrettably, scheduled for 20 (Adv) and 9 (Int) miles on Saturday. So we will meet at 6:45 AM’ish (Note earlier start time) at Veteran’s Park, and take it from there. We’ll head over to the St. Patrick’s 5K and perform our traditional quality control inspection, deliver any of our disorderly flock who wish to swagger, stumble, and sway through the 5K run, and then continue on with a quest of veteranly honoring our mileage quotas before returning somewhat intact to VP.

Chaos, running type, doesn’t get much simpler, or luckier than that.


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