Friday, July 9, 2010

When: Saturday, July 10, 2010 5:45 AM-9:00 AM. Central Standard Time
Where: Veteran's Park (21st & Boulder)


P-p-p-Poker Face

First, congrats to all you loyal and devoted Dom-N-8RZ for completing last week's "generous" 9 mile training run, with bonus mileage rounding thrown in for good measure. The well imagined and voluminous compliments continue to reverberate nearly a week later. The experience naturally leaves us with the "Can it possibly get better than this?" inquisition.

Well, hold on to your fast forward button, as this weekend we are treated to a well deserved break, as Runners World is hosting its very famous Poker Run. The Poker Run, which starts at 7:00 AM from Veteran's Park, traverses 5 miles of hard packed Riverparks Trails. Come join with the RW gang, Lady Gaga, and let's get started with an unitelligible and off key rendition of P-p-p-Poker Face, P-p-Poker Face and oh, oh, oh lyrical chants. Along the way, we will be collecting cards with which to make a Poker hand, which ultimately get traded in for some of "Pretty Boy" Brian's personal collection of new and stylish running gear (yes, not surprisingly suitable for both the 'Noes and 'Nettes alike), all of which he reluctantly realizes that he will never be able to fit into without serious surgical procedures. One word of caution: Although I've never actually witnessed it myself, the legends and lore of masked marauders armed with sharp sticks to gently "poke" a wayward runner should inspire us to run in a group, don't stray from the herd, and certainly don't be lured into dark corners along the trail with the promise of "Come over here, I've got Aces".

All this excitement is brought to you for the one time only, special and unbelievably low, low price of Five smackers (for the Accountant purists, that translates to a measly $5), which roughly works out to $0.8726 per mile, allowing for the now-to-be-expected bonus miles that we have come to endure. Although rumors abound that the money goes directly to feed PB Brian's Sumo-inspired dietician-mandated triple cheeseburger cuisine, in reality the money is actually thrown back at us in the form of pre-, during, and post-training run drinks and snacks - bagels and cookies and gatorade, OH MY! We call this the Paying it Forward Program. Once again, for the sake of efficiency and the willingness to take one for the team, I humbly offer to collect everyone's $10 Poker Run entry fee ($5 for the actual entry, and $5 for my miscellaneous expenses and to cover the convenience carrying fee), and submit in bulk, plus or minus rounding, to the race entry Marshalls. This idea didn't really take off last year for some unexplained reason, to which I can only surmise stemmed from a lack of proper advertising.

Switching subjects, I suspect that many of you have been subjected to a barrage of questions centered around all this international hubbub about soccer. The general theme of a so-called sport involving a ball that penalizes the general player population for touching, punching, throwing or catching the ball with your hands is agreeably insane and truly un-A-Mer-Can! I've been able to successfully diffuse the riotous-ish and nearly violent mob scenes by reminding everyone that the world is a big and diverse place that requires harmonious tolerance for insane and archaic practices. When I remind people that soccer is an order of magnitude less exciting than long distance running (based on the random pattern of running back and forth and often in circles), only without the benefit of a visible clock, then most folks remark that maybe in some small way that soccer is a rather inefficient way to help someone transition to marathon training. I say: To each his own. Also, before you criticize, you do have to recognize soccer's contribution of that wonderful horned instrument (insert obnoxious wailing drone here).

Lastly, brought to you by popular demand, some of us will be pre-meeting on Saturday at the infectious and contagious time of 5:45 AM-ish to get a head start on the Poker Run. We're planning on glistening up with a 5-mile Zink Lake Loop run, and then bringing our aromatic selves to join with the 7 AM start of the Poker Run. Come soil with us and help make Lady "PB" proud!

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