When: Saturday, September 25, 2010 5:45 AM-9:45 AM. Central Standard Time
Where: Veteran's Park (21st & Boulder)

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Don’t Over Think It

Firstester, we start this week with an unsolicited call out to the most awesome-est-er Head Coach/Sponsor/Baby Sitter/Treat Meister/Sad Tales Listener/Key Holder/Route Approver/Injury Counselor/”PB” Brian Put’r Up With Him/Shoe advisor/ and General Cheer Leader Runners World Owner Miss Kathy H. Did I say “Awwwwesome!”? If so, then not loud enough. Just one little example of her most awesomeness occurred throughout last Saturday’s training run, where although void of any supplemental help (psst – Brian, are you still out there somewhere? Remember us?), and while held together with strips of fluorescent tape to keep bones from poking through, it was Miss Kathy who kept magically appearing throughout the training run with her refreshing and life-saving fluid replacement elixirs. She single-handedly provided physical and mental encouragement, was among the first to arrive and the last to leave. We RW cads and cadettes know this is SOP for Coach K (and reluctantly true for PB Brian, even though it pains me to say so), and it is all too easy to take for granted all that RW does for us. So, in an all too brief moment of absolute sincerity: Thank You! From all of us - You Rock!

Returning to un-normalcy, we had a few first timers turn 18 – miles that is - last Saturday. Newbies are nearly all growed up, and it happened so fast. With 18 come both privileges and responsibilities. Privileges include the right to vote on important issues such as paper or plastic cups, Gatorade in the left or right jug, decision on whether to park tail in or tail out, and in now being enabled to speak with run leaders without uttering the previously required “Excuse me for interrupting your important thoughts, our most revered and esteemed Run Leader” prior to each ill timed interruption of “Are we there yet?”. Note and reminder to all: Hitting and verbal abuse of Run Leaders/Leaderettes are still forbidden.

As for responsibilities, turning 18 means that you are now expected to actually show up each Saturday morning for our training runs. No more piddly excuses such as my kids this, my spouse that, that funeral or wedding thingy, my job is at risk, got that soccer deal, it’s so early and still too hot, I might need to oversleep, the dog ate my runnin’ sox. After all, we can generally have more offspring and they often won’t remember the specifics of why you didn’t show up at that “once in a lifetime” event, but we all know that you can never, but never again, run a 20 mile training run with near strangers on September 25th, 2010. A specially crafted route of 7 miles, followed by, oh … where did I put that … oh yeah, 13 more miles lay in waiting for our feet to abuse. Remember, no excuses – we’ve come too far and our marathon goals are creeping up all too quickly.

So, I will need to bug out for this week’s run – got that Race 4 the Cure thing going on. It’s a 5K Race, which is kind of like a 20 mile training run since it has all the associated pressure of huge crowds, elbow avoidance, and fighting for half filled cups of warmed over H2O. All things considered, it’s something to ponder – if you think about it.

Larry

When: Saturday, September 18, 2010 5:45 AM-9:30 AM. Central Standard Time
Where: Veteran's Park (21st & Boulder)

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Coast Is Clear
There have been numerous rumors floating about as to why we have been so obviously avoiding Veteran’s Park during the last few weeks for our Saturday Runners World Training Runs. Topping the list was to avoid Brian and his way-too-personal-for-our-own-good relationship with his megaphone. Other “reasonable” justifications included throwing a neighborly shout out to Tulsa’s western burb – Jenks, trying to help out the fairgrounds facilities maintenance with a few fresh oil drippings to suppress the parking lot dust, helping the somewhat dedicated runners and runnerettes by throwing out some fresh scenery (albeit running in pitch darkness tends to somewhat temper the potential aesthetics of a new neighborhood), and helping us all develop our urban survival skills through interactive map-reading sessions.
And oh yes, there were side benefits as well, such as providing our gracious outpost station host Sandra, Empress of the fortress commonly known as the “Louisville Watering Hole and Comfort Station”, with the necessary motivation to get that pesky door lock fixed. We learned that although Braden Park occupies slightly more than a city block of space, that it was the centerpiece of a 2 mile loop so as to incorporate hill training in a seemingly terra flata neighborhood. We learned that the students attending the TU campus have either innate navigational skills and/or are destined by necessity to graduate school, as we RW cadets found the campus a temptress in disguise. More like the Bates motel, the campus welcomed us in, but wasn’t about to release its prey until it was thoroughly confused and had surrendered its directional skills. The net result was a perfectly tamed group who would follow without challenge anyone who would offer greater than a 50% chance of busting out of the mysterious campus force field.
But alas, the single true reason, as I choose to imagine it, is that we needed to let the heat settle a bit around Veteran’s Park – and not the ambient kind. You see, there was the matter of some civil unrest, some breaking of rules, and some wanton disregard for society at large by a 300’ish number strong gang of fashion challenged hooligans. Their colors, as reported by anonymous reports, was the wearing of similar types of rubber soled low heeled ankle bearing footwear. Socks, if worn at all, were mostly of the low cut variety. Another peculiar trait common to this gang was a propensity to stand around some pagan temple structures and to drink – and by that I mean drink a lot, while “posing” in various body twists and strain rituals. The crime, allegedly, consisted of all forms of Jaywalking, with total disregard for crossing signals. To compound matters, it was reported that this group exhibited great disdain for sidewalks, as they were found to be rather pedestrian in nature, and rather willfully chose to “pound pavement” like they owned the streets, just daring cars and trucks alike to challenge their right to space.
So, as police strike force and gang warfare units carefully deployed their Veteran’s Park stakeout strategy, not so cleverly dubbed as “The Runaround” for the last few weeks, the alleged suspects were off to explore and worship pavements marked by new pockets of pot-holeyness. But in a masterful and carefully orchestrated game of cat and mouse, this Saturday we will double back and flank the coppers by starting once again from Veteran’s Park, with the super top secret double pinky swear time of 5:45 AM’ish. And away we will steal away to the badlands safe haven known as Turkey Mountain, up one side and down the other. Then, for good measure, we’ll leave some clueless scents through Woodward Park and circle around Swan Lake before heading back to rendezvous central, but not before throwing in a couple more undisclosed miles for exacting garminophobic measures. 18 miles, hills and dales, secret hideouts and G Holes (aka Gatorade/Water Stations), initiated under the cloak of darkness. Allegedly.
If all goes according to plan, we will once again have escaped the sweaty arm of the law, and no one should be more confused than us. With our dastardly and arguably incoherent Return to Veteran's Park strategy in place, we are reminded of the oft used phrase uttered during the great gulf oil cleanup of 2010, presuming you stood far enough inland, say Tennessee’ish: The Coast is Clear.

Larry

When: Saturday, September 11, 2010 5:45 AM-8:30 AM. Central Standard Time
Where: Tulsa Fairgrounds (21st & Louisville)

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Trust, But Verify
Ever experience one of those occasions where everyone proclaims they are correct, but each with their own version of which left or right is “more right”? Such was last week’s explorations through the University of Tulsa campus, where random groups of runners pursued interpretive course translations. Live and in action were groups coming and going, some in gravitational tracking orbits that threatened to never release their captive prey, each holding what they thought to be the proverbial “one and only true map”. While tightly held by each clammy mitt, these modern yet hieroglyphic mapquest markings were filled with hope, yet provided no golden keys with which to unlock the fading sidewalk chalkings. What is it about running, sweat, early morning dawn, map reading skills, short term memory, directional bearing acuteness, and cognitive reasoning that makes for an impossible blend? We firmly grasp upon the unfulfilled belief that if we stare at the map long enough then the right path will suddenly and miraculously become outlined with luminaries. Running in this environment requires rapid response alertness and the sidestepping and ram avoidance skills of a tailback, as we frequently experienced runners stopping dead in their tracks to take another glimpse of the by now sweat-streaked map and turn instructions.
Another lesson learned was to not be so quick and grateful to follow a fellow runner/runnerette who proclaims that “I know the way”. A couple of miles down the road and in the midst to the TU land of secret passageways, we realized that our due diligence skills fell just a tad short when the “Holderette of Pathways Knowledge” admitted that she knew the last part of the route but not this portion. Aside from stepping on more than a few heels, and smashing noses against the back of abruptly halted heads, the weather couldn’t have been better. And technically, if you really never knew where you were supposed to be, then you really weren’t ever lost.
So with our map-reading skills honed to a sharpness of precision-polished bowling balls, we get another shot at donning our fave Lewis and Clarkette exploring attire with hopes of successfully navigating a brand new trail – once again in near darkness. The advanced marathon group is scheduled for 12 miles, which means we get to run the new course twice, or rather to see if we can successfully run the same route twice. It’s times like these that we truly appreciate the self-proclaimed and unilaterally unsubstantiated skills of our Run Leaders, who have sometimes mistakenly placed the well being of their group ahead of their own selfish needs and satisfaction. (Insert silent moment of pitiful gratitude and grudgingly sincere amazement at their collective ineptitude – but be careful not to overdo it as it tends to raise too many unanswerable questions.)
What with a new course, cement colored sidewalk chalking, temporary blinding headlights, monstrously large sounding barking dogs that seem to be originating from all directions at once, major thoroughfares to cross, new curbs and hidden cracks to stumble over, distorted street signs that were possibly in their youth oriented in the correct directions, you will want to get there early and establish your position before the enormous crowds appear. There are already rumors that pre-run stakeouts with all-nighters will be elbowing for pole positions when the doors open at 5:45 AM’ish. Fortunately we are starting once again from the Fairgrounds near 21st and Louisville (Southwest corner of the Fairgrounds by the historic train engine), so there should be ample camping grounds available.
Remember that if you choose to relinquish control of your route destiny to someone who portrays an outward appearance of calm and self assuredness, a cautionary “trust but verify” approach may serve you well. Also, for the over 40 group (means those in their prime), it might be helpful to stash a few reading specs strategically along the route, but only if you can remember where you left them.

Larry ---->

Turkey and TATURs September 12th

Just a quick reminder/plea before we're off to SD. September 12th--just a little over 2 weeks away, TATUR will once again host the longest running trail race in Tulsa.

Turkey and TATURs has something for every trail runner. A challenging 10K, an adventurous 25K, and an epic 50K are once again on tap for all who want to have a taste of trail running at it's best. The fun all starts out at 6:30 am when the 50Kers take off. 30 minutes later, RD Brian sends the 25K runners off. The 10K starts 30 minutes after that. Because of the staggered start, the finish line is abuzz from 9:00 on. It's a big party, and a place to gloat over your accomplishments and eat til your hearts content. Bar-b-que is on the menu this year, and I am sure there will be a lot of other goodies as well.
The course is 99% single track trail, with a lot of ups and downs. One of the trails (the Ho-Chi-Mihn) is one of the most photographed trails in this part of the United States. No run on Turkey is complete without a run down the rocky rooty path overlooking the lazy Arkansas River, and the 25K and 50K runners get the pleasure of running this trail. As an added bonus, both the 25 and 50K will be tested with a trip UP Lipbuster...come on...it builds character!!

I will be pre-marking the course when I return from South Dakota, and anyone who wants to help out, please comment here, or send me an email at trail_zombie@yahoo.com. Saturday Sept 11th, we'll be putting up the official course markings, and I would love to have around 10-12 people to help out with that. We also are looking for help at the start/finish on race day, as well as peeps to help out at the aid stations. Again, email me or call me (918-814-6433) or Brian (918-244-6918).

But most important, come out and run this race with us!! There is a generous 10 hour time limit on the 50K, and you also have all the time you need for the shorter distances. It's the most fun you can possibly have--with trail shoes on!!

For more info, click here-----> Turkey and TATURs

Reveille - Jenks Rendition

When: Saturday, August 21, 2010 5:45 AM-8:45 AM. Central Standard Time
Where: Jenks River Walk

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Reveille - Jenks Rendition



Remember when we started next Saturday’s training run from the River Walk in Jenks? I remember how it’s gonna’ be great, cause we get to mix things up, give our cars a chance to park in some new scenery, and most importantly, allow us to bask in the downstream aroma of Tulsa’s sewage treatment plant in the early dawn of a new day. I ask you: “What could be a better start to a rest-filled weekend than a dark-thirty wake up alarm and a 5:45 AM-ish muster time with 300-ish wayward asphalt-worn soles in morning?” (NOTE to Everyone in Particular: No response necessary, nor necessarily welcomed.)

We start with a mostly flat 7-miler through Jenks. As if that wasn’t enough excitement for one weekend, we then make a jail break across the Arkansas River border into nearby T-Town, and head south onto the Creek Turnpike Trail, complete with its undulating swells, before calling it a humiditous outing.

We Dom-N-8RZ are faced with a bit of a dilemma this weekend, as we are being schedule-whipped to a 10-mile training run, while our co-marathon legged brothers and brotherettes are being challenged with 12 to 14 miles. Rumors are trotting rampant that a ground-patrolled solidarity movement is underway, and that the undertreaded 10-milers are going to covertly cover an extra two or even two times two (not to be confused with two squared or the square root of sixteen) – why oh why does my head hurt and what can I do to make it stop – Creeky miles. Please keep this on the down low, or next thing you know everyone will be wanting a piece of the action, and as we all know, there’s a limited amount of trails to go around and we have to make them last.

A little more seriously, we’ve experienced some declining Dom-N-8RZ attendance over the last few weeks. It’s hard to fathom, as we don’t think we could possibly provide much warmer or more humid running conditions. We refer to it as a perpetual water machine, where each runner exists within their own moisture-producing sauna air reabsorption terrarium. Nevertheless, with this week’s “step back mileage”, it should be a good time to get back onto the asphalt trails before the onset of higher mileage days. Let’s face it, the “Think System” might work just fine for The Music Man, but it is bound to fall a little short and out of breath for The Marathon Man and Manettes. So grab those trombones firmly and answer Saturday’s 5:45 AM bugle call – in Jenks, America.

Larry

Sweat 16 X-Stride-A-Ganza

When: Saturday, August 14, 2010 5:45 AM-9:00 AM. Central Standard Time
Where: Veteran's Park (21st & Boulder)

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Sweat 16 X-Stride-A-Ganza
It’s been a while ago, but memories were rekindled this week when Master Brian summoned the Dom-N-8-RZ 9:51 Brain Trust to his fumy office and told us that our recent antics had earned us a 16 mile training run this Saturday. Just like when I was back in pre-, “special” K, prep, middle, and high schools, and I was routinely “rewarded” (my words, not theirs) with the opportunity to spend some extra time after school in the presence of various persons of authority performing various tasks of manual labor and/or staring contests with a spot on the wall, it’s strikingly obvious when extra terms of endearment are being rendered in my direction. Master Brian shared that our group would be going 9 miles more than the 7 mile outlined course. Clearly we have done something of late to be blessed with nearly 25% more mileage (unaudited approximation – note thut hy-er cypherin’ weren’t won of mine goodester class sujbecx) than the Runners World tribe.
Additionally, our generous Master Brian has insisted that the Dom-N-8-RZ are forbidden to talk to any of the other groups of runners from the start of mile 8 until we return to the Runners World Veteran’s Park Camp site. Logically, he doesn’t want the other runners to get jealous of our extra attention and bonus miles. His compassion is surpassed only by the cuteness of that pouty look he gets when someone snags the last 6 frosted cupcakes from under his grasp.
After a 2 week futbol (soccer to us sophisticated U S of A’ers), we eagerly await the return of Dom Leader Irish Ken to Saturday’s Run. Rumors abound that his re-entry time of 5:45 AM-ish at Veteran’s Park will be met with an imbalanced chorus of cheers and jeers, mostly divided cleanly along partisan lines. Please exhibit some patience as he transitions back from encouraging words of “kick the foot through the ball” and “make the slide tackle look like you were going for the ball by keeping the cleat below the chest” to “move over so I can hurl” and “now why again are we doing 16 miles when others are running 7?”. Either way, don’t be startled from your entranced pre-dawn stagger by the abrupt imitation of a freakish Vuvuzela, or two, or dare we care, three.
It should be another sauna-fest on Saturday, so make sure you load up on plenty of sweat molecules this week.
Larry

SHARK UP!

When: Saturday, August 07, 2010 5:45 AM-8:30 AM. Central Standard Time
Where: Veteran's Park (21st & Boulder)

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Shark Up!

River Parks Authority Self Appointed Management and Liability Adverse Spokesman Disclaimer: Caution - Contents May React in manners that result in severe and acute localized thinning of exposed limbs and limbettes, both of the attached and recently viciously detached sort, resulting in possible rapid seekage of medical consultation, treatment, and utilization of vast quantities of duct tape (it'll fix anything - be the first in your neighborhood to sport a new duct tape based artificial leg).
- Note to nobody in particular: Disclaimers like the preceding leave one wondering why clear and simple disclaimers are not utilized everywhere instead of the more typical vague, confusing, and legal mumbo jumbo typical fare such as "Caution - Contents Are Very Hot" or "Dog Bites - Hard" that we are so often confronted with.

Which brings us front and center to this week's Training Run. That's right - the Dom-N-8RZ 9:51 Runners World Training Group, with membership recently bolstered to 50 runners strong (or is that 50 strong runners?), have been provided the rare and unique opportunity to complete a 14 mile river front shoreline surveillance mission. What could be more fitting during Shark Week than for us to "toe up" and trottingly perform our civic duty by helping to keep the Arkansas River sand grazing rafters, canoe enthusiasts, errant frisby recoverers, misguided mountain bikest extremists, Rowing Crewes, and the occasional river bathing naturalist free from Shark attacks? Keep those spirits up - we can do this, especially if we stick together, and if we always treat the newest members of our group to the "special lane" that is closest to the water's edge (they're new, we don't know them very well, and there's a minimal chance that intentional and premeditated abuse claims could be lodged if they "willingly volunteer" {Note: We may need to practice our collective response on this point so that it comes offnatural - limit shifty eye movement when speaking into the camera}). A heartfelt shriek of "Shark Up!" should provide the appropriate warning to all concerned, and should also qualify us for those rare and internationally coveted Shark Ranger Patrol Red Badges of Courage.
Guidance tip for the novice sharkateer: Do not feel embarrassed or ashamed by making false Shark Up calls - we've all been there and there's a chance that even the seasoned Shark Ranger will still occasionally repeat the mistake, especially early in the season. You see, whenever "Pretty Boy" Brian hits the trails and exposes his voluminous and pasty underbelly, it causes a temporary white out blindness to the unsuspecting, and often inaccurately triggers that inbred shark sensor gland (known as "ISSG" in the trade). You must have patience, even though it is difficult to rationalize the transformation, but that jiggling mass will eventually brown out with repeated exposures, making the trails once again safe for young and bold alike. Be brave, ye sole cushioned volunteer Rangers, stiffen that upper cartilage, and trust your inner sonar to achieve the dorsal mission.

Covering the obligatory education portion of this week's submission, we will cover the finer technical points of how to successfully venture out and complete a 14 mile training run. Making matters more complicated, in addition to the nearby waterborne threats, we will likely be confronted with elevated temperatures and rapidly increasing bursts of radical solar emissions. The natural confliction created by the cooler running conditions at the water's edge greatly exposes the dazed runner or runnerette to the tasty remake of Jaws - Take 12. So, here's the time honored tip on how to successfully navigate the nearly impossible quadruple threat of distance, heat, rays, and jaws: We will cover the first half of the training run by going out roughly half the distance (14 miles divided into nearly equivalent portions, carry the one, round liberally, and verify your work by giving your dog it's favorite treat), which would be approximately 7.63 miles or so, and then reversing to retrace each step (Note: This process only works if you step in exactly the same steps on the way back as on the way out, so pay close attention to detail, and it might help take the mind away from this drivel.).

Just to be mud water clear, remember that we meet sharp at 5:45 AM-ish or thereabouts on Saturday morning at Veteran's Park. Our united mission is to bring all our Shark united Noe's and Nette's safely home from this inarguably dangerous mission, whilst keeping Tulsa's Ark River beaches patrolled and its voluminous water enthusiasts free of vicious attacks. With that, we can vow to live another day with which to enjoy the sights, sounds, and aromas of the aqueous fill, from bank to eroding bank.

Lastly, in response to anticipated questions regarding kevlar reinforced metal clad shark teeth dispersing diving gear - Wear 'em if you got 'em.

Larry