Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Turkey and TATURs September 12th

Just a quick reminder/plea before we're off to SD. September 12th--just a little over 2 weeks away, TATUR will once again host the longest running trail race in Tulsa.

Turkey and TATURs has something for every trail runner. A challenging 10K, an adventurous 25K, and an epic 50K are once again on tap for all who want to have a taste of trail running at it's best. The fun all starts out at 6:30 am when the 50Kers take off. 30 minutes later, RD Brian sends the 25K runners off. The 10K starts 30 minutes after that. Because of the staggered start, the finish line is abuzz from 9:00 on. It's a big party, and a place to gloat over your accomplishments and eat til your hearts content. Bar-b-que is on the menu this year, and I am sure there will be a lot of other goodies as well.
The course is 99% single track trail, with a lot of ups and downs. One of the trails (the Ho-Chi-Mihn) is one of the most photographed trails in this part of the United States. No run on Turkey is complete without a run down the rocky rooty path overlooking the lazy Arkansas River, and the 25K and 50K runners get the pleasure of running this trail. As an added bonus, both the 25 and 50K will be tested with a trip UP Lipbuster...come on...it builds character!!

I will be pre-marking the course when I return from South Dakota, and anyone who wants to help out, please comment here, or send me an email at trail_zombie@yahoo.com. Saturday Sept 11th, we'll be putting up the official course markings, and I would love to have around 10-12 people to help out with that. We also are looking for help at the start/finish on race day, as well as peeps to help out at the aid stations. Again, email me or call me (918-814-6433) or Brian (918-244-6918).

But most important, come out and run this race with us!! There is a generous 10 hour time limit on the 50K, and you also have all the time you need for the shorter distances. It's the most fun you can possibly have--with trail shoes on!!

For more info, click here-----> Turkey and TATURs

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Reveille - Jenks Rendition

When: Saturday, August 21, 2010 5:45 AM-8:45 AM. Central Standard Time
Where: Jenks River Walk

Reveille - Jenks Rendition

Remember when we started next Saturday’s training run from the River Walk in Jenks? I remember how it’s gonna’ be great, cause we get to mix things up, give our cars a chance to park in some new scenery, and most importantly, allow us to bask in the downstream aroma of Tulsa’s sewage treatment plant in the early dawn of a new day. I ask you: “What could be a better start to a rest-filled weekend than a dark-thirty wake up alarm and a 5:45 AM-ish muster time with 300-ish wayward asphalt-worn soles in morning?” (NOTE to Everyone in Particular: No response necessary, nor necessarily welcomed.)

We start with a mostly flat 7-miler through Jenks. As if that wasn’t enough excitement for one weekend, we then make a jail break across the Arkansas River border into nearby T-Town, and head south onto the Creek Turnpike Trail, complete with its undulating swells, before calling it a humiditous outing.

We Dom-N-8RZ are faced with a bit of a dilemma this weekend, as we are being schedule-whipped to a 10-mile training run, while our co-marathon legged brothers and brotherettes are being challenged with 12 to 14 miles. Rumors are trotting rampant that a ground-patrolled solidarity movement is underway, and that the undertreaded 10-milers are going to covertly cover an extra two or even two times two (not to be confused with two squared or the square root of sixteen) – why oh why does my head hurt and what can I do to make it stop – Creeky miles. Please keep this on the down low, or next thing you know everyone will be wanting a piece of the action, and as we all know, there’s a limited amount of trails to go around and we have to make them last.

A little more seriously, we’ve experienced some declining Dom-N-8RZ attendance over the last few weeks. It’s hard to fathom, as we don’t think we could possibly provide much warmer or more humid running conditions. We refer to it as a perpetual water machine, where each runner exists within their own moisture-producing sauna air reabsorption terrarium. Nevertheless, with this week’s “step back mileage”, it should be a good time to get back onto the asphalt trails before the onset of higher mileage days. Let’s face it, the “Think System” might work just fine for The Music Man, but it is bound to fall a little short and out of breath for The Marathon Man and Manettes. So grab those trombones firmly and answer Saturday’s 5:45 AM bugle call – in Jenks, America.


Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Sweat 16 X-Stride-A-Ganza

When: Saturday, August 14, 2010 5:45 AM-9:00 AM. Central Standard Time
Where: Veteran's Park (21st & Boulder)

Sweat 16 X-Stride-A-Ganza
It’s been a while ago, but memories were rekindled this week when Master Brian summoned the Dom-N-8-RZ 9:51 Brain Trust to his fumy office and told us that our recent antics had earned us a 16 mile training run this Saturday. Just like when I was back in pre-, “special” K, prep, middle, and high schools, and I was routinely “rewarded” (my words, not theirs) with the opportunity to spend some extra time after school in the presence of various persons of authority performing various tasks of manual labor and/or staring contests with a spot on the wall, it’s strikingly obvious when extra terms of endearment are being rendered in my direction. Master Brian shared that our group would be going 9 miles more than the 7 mile outlined course. Clearly we have done something of late to be blessed with nearly 25% more mileage (unaudited approximation – note thut hy-er cypherin’ weren’t won of mine goodester class sujbecx) than the Runners World tribe.
Additionally, our generous Master Brian has insisted that the Dom-N-8-RZ are forbidden to talk to any of the other groups of runners from the start of mile 8 until we return to the Runners World Veteran’s Park Camp site. Logically, he doesn’t want the other runners to get jealous of our extra attention and bonus miles. His compassion is surpassed only by the cuteness of that pouty look he gets when someone snags the last 6 frosted cupcakes from under his grasp.
After a 2 week futbol (soccer to us sophisticated U S of A’ers), we eagerly await the return of Dom Leader Irish Ken to Saturday’s Run. Rumors abound that his re-entry time of 5:45 AM-ish at Veteran’s Park will be met with an imbalanced chorus of cheers and jeers, mostly divided cleanly along partisan lines. Please exhibit some patience as he transitions back from encouraging words of “kick the foot through the ball” and “make the slide tackle look like you were going for the ball by keeping the cleat below the chest” to “move over so I can hurl” and “now why again are we doing 16 miles when others are running 7?”. Either way, don’t be startled from your entranced pre-dawn stagger by the abrupt imitation of a freakish Vuvuzela, or two, or dare we care, three.
It should be another sauna-fest on Saturday, so make sure you load up on plenty of sweat molecules this week.

Friday, August 6, 2010


When: Saturday, August 07, 2010 5:45 AM-8:30 AM. Central Standard Time
Where: Veteran's Park (21st & Boulder)

Shark Up!

River Parks Authority Self Appointed Management and Liability Adverse Spokesman Disclaimer: Caution - Contents May React in manners that result in severe and acute localized thinning of exposed limbs and limbettes, both of the attached and recently viciously detached sort, resulting in possible rapid seekage of medical consultation, treatment, and utilization of vast quantities of duct tape (it'll fix anything - be the first in your neighborhood to sport a new duct tape based artificial leg).
- Note to nobody in particular: Disclaimers like the preceding leave one wondering why clear and simple disclaimers are not utilized everywhere instead of the more typical vague, confusing, and legal mumbo jumbo typical fare such as "Caution - Contents Are Very Hot" or "Dog Bites - Hard" that we are so often confronted with.

Which brings us front and center to this week's Training Run. That's right - the Dom-N-8RZ 9:51 Runners World Training Group, with membership recently bolstered to 50 runners strong (or is that 50 strong runners?), have been provided the rare and unique opportunity to complete a 14 mile river front shoreline surveillance mission. What could be more fitting during Shark Week than for us to "toe up" and trottingly perform our civic duty by helping to keep the Arkansas River sand grazing rafters, canoe enthusiasts, errant frisby recoverers, misguided mountain bikest extremists, Rowing Crewes, and the occasional river bathing naturalist free from Shark attacks? Keep those spirits up - we can do this, especially if we stick together, and if we always treat the newest members of our group to the "special lane" that is closest to the water's edge (they're new, we don't know them very well, and there's a minimal chance that intentional and premeditated abuse claims could be lodged if they "willingly volunteer" {Note: We may need to practice our collective response on this point so that it comes offnatural - limit shifty eye movement when speaking into the camera}). A heartfelt shriek of "Shark Up!" should provide the appropriate warning to all concerned, and should also qualify us for those rare and internationally coveted Shark Ranger Patrol Red Badges of Courage.
Guidance tip for the novice sharkateer: Do not feel embarrassed or ashamed by making false Shark Up calls - we've all been there and there's a chance that even the seasoned Shark Ranger will still occasionally repeat the mistake, especially early in the season. You see, whenever "Pretty Boy" Brian hits the trails and exposes his voluminous and pasty underbelly, it causes a temporary white out blindness to the unsuspecting, and often inaccurately triggers that inbred shark sensor gland (known as "ISSG" in the trade). You must have patience, even though it is difficult to rationalize the transformation, but that jiggling mass will eventually brown out with repeated exposures, making the trails once again safe for young and bold alike. Be brave, ye sole cushioned volunteer Rangers, stiffen that upper cartilage, and trust your inner sonar to achieve the dorsal mission.

Covering the obligatory education portion of this week's submission, we will cover the finer technical points of how to successfully venture out and complete a 14 mile training run. Making matters more complicated, in addition to the nearby waterborne threats, we will likely be confronted with elevated temperatures and rapidly increasing bursts of radical solar emissions. The natural confliction created by the cooler running conditions at the water's edge greatly exposes the dazed runner or runnerette to the tasty remake of Jaws - Take 12. So, here's the time honored tip on how to successfully navigate the nearly impossible quadruple threat of distance, heat, rays, and jaws: We will cover the first half of the training run by going out roughly half the distance (14 miles divided into nearly equivalent portions, carry the one, round liberally, and verify your work by giving your dog it's favorite treat), which would be approximately 7.63 miles or so, and then reversing to retrace each step (Note: This process only works if you step in exactly the same steps on the way back as on the way out, so pay close attention to detail, and it might help take the mind away from this drivel.).

Just to be mud water clear, remember that we meet sharp at 5:45 AM-ish or thereabouts on Saturday morning at Veteran's Park. Our united mission is to bring all our Shark united Noe's and Nette's safely home from this inarguably dangerous mission, whilst keeping Tulsa's Ark River beaches patrolled and its voluminous water enthusiasts free of vicious attacks. With that, we can vow to live another day with which to enjoy the sights, sounds, and aromas of the aqueous fill, from bank to eroding bank.

Lastly, in response to anticipated questions regarding kevlar reinforced metal clad shark teeth dispersing diving gear - Wear 'em if you got 'em.